Stupidest Men's Products

Stupid is as stupid does. Right, Forrest Gump?  Check out The Huffington Post's list of stupidest men's products.

Click here for list.

Sad thing is I could see my ex-husband with the Potty Putter Toilet Green. And if you ride the bus or subway, I know you can spot some Spray On Hair. But the most hilarious is the Chest Hair Toupee. Wow!

What's your favorite? Please share. Click on the comments section below.

The Unemployed Worker's Soliloquy

If you've ever been layed off or know someone who's been layed off, you know a helping hand from either friends, family, or unemployment is very important. I don't even know what to say to self-employed workers who don't qualify for UI or Cobra. I've heard heartbreaking stories from people while volunteering for Barbara Boxer and attending health care rallies/lectures the past few months.

Friday afternoon I was on my favorite mode of transportation: SF Muni, specifically the #5 bus. I was in the midst of a private conversation with a friend of mine, detailing the phone calls I made to some Republican aides in Washington, after the Senate defeated the Jobs Bill, when a man came up to me and shouted: “You liberals make me sick. Always depending on other people to solve your problems for you...” I won't repeat the entire tirade. You get the gist.

When I relayed my experience to my sister, Jane, she came up with the perfect response:

Yeah. I'm just the mother-fucker who pays taxes for your military, police, firefighters, libraries, public schools, social security, unemployment benefits, medicaid, medicare, infrastructure maintenance, and public transportation.  Are you lame today, or were you just riding public transportation to spy on the liberals?  I know that you fight all your own wars with your own equipment, take care of protecting yourself from crime and fires, that your buy all your own books, have written to the government to tell them you don't need your social security checks - ever, can take complete care of yourself if you lose your job, and when your insurance runs out will just pray to the God of your own understanding to help you - oh wait - that would be asking for help - scratch that, get out there every day to patch up the roads near your house, and drive your own car or walk everywhere you go. Have a nice day.

Amen

ILA...I love Acronyms

OMG, why type all day and get CTS? Which acronyms are your favorites? Do you make up your own? I mean, WTF!

Some I've made up...

BMUS..............beam me up scotty

BSAP................boys should avoid priests

DDR.................downward dog rocks [talking about yoga!]

JDIH................johnny depp is hot

MMMS............muni makes me sick

OMW...............on my way

TBBS................the bay bridge sucks

TBIC.................the boss is coming

WWDDD.........what would don draper do [thanks, Tim Goodman]

Do you use these?
AFAIK..............as far as I know
B4.....................before
BMG.................be my guest
BRB..................be right back
BTW.................by the way
FWIW..............for what it's worth
FYI...................for your information
F2F..................face to face
IIRC.................if i recall correctly
IMHO..............in my honest opinion
IMNSHO.........in my not so humble opinion
IMO.................in my opinion
IOW.................in other words
L8R..................later
LMAO..............laugh my ass off
LOL..................laugh out loud
MOL.................more or less
NBD.................no big deal
OMG................oh my God
OT....................off topic
POV.................point of view
ROTFL............rolling on the floor laughing
SNS..................social networking services
SYS..................see you soon
TBH.................to be honest
WTF................what the fuck
WYSIWYG.....what you see is what you get

Or should we avoid words altogether? As a child, did you ever read William Steig's book, C D B?
C D B. D B S A BZ B.....Translation: See the bee. The bee is a busy bee.

What are some of your own acronyms? Surprise me.

C U L8R!

Oh Where, Oh Where has our Hillary Gone?

Hillary Clinton, our glorious Secretary of State, is rarely headlined in the news. I'm not talking about NPR or BBC news coverage, but our mainstream media. Madeline Albright and Condoleezza Rice were headlined in their day. I didn't have to google them to figure out where they were or what issue they were discussing. Is Obama scared of her? Last week the Huffington Post published the rare Hillary headline that the Feds were going to sue Arizona. Why isn't she headlined more often? Lord, she's only a Senior White House Official.

I've adapted the main verse of a children's song to illustrate my feelings. The original song was about a dog who runs away to explore the world before deciding that home is best. The link below my verse has Disney's version of the song.

Oh Where, Oh Where has our Hillary Gone?

Oh Where, Oh Where can she be?

With her pant suits all packed,

And her schedule intact,

Oh Where, Oh Where can she be?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl2wkM4Y7gw&feature=related

Help! Justin Bieber followed me home last night.

First I thought he was a bean pole with a hat made of hair. Then I got scared. Why are there so many teenage boys on HAIGHT ST, of all places, sporting Justin's ridiculous hair style? Is it a shag on steroids? A perfectly coifed Beatle's do with side-swept bangs blown straight? I'll do you a favor and not include a picture as it might inspire Medusa-like stares. Was Ryan Seacrest far behind? And what is he hiding under those bangs anyway? Miley Cyrus' phone #?  

I know the record industry needs to manufacture new teen idols every other year. But can you make one who doesn't make the older Justin Timberlake look like a pro wrestler? And what's with the rap quotes. “It's like, you know, whateva!” Please, little Bieber, you're from Canada. OK, a sweet teenager who's mentored by Usher isn't the end of the world. Maybe I'm too picky. But I don't get it. I feel like Tom Cruise is planting his alien forces. Or Christopher Walken's behind me whispering, “I've got the fever for Bieber.” All we need now is Donald Trump to get a hold of him. AHHH!

Do you see it too? Am I the only one?

Take a ride on the SF Muni Insane Asylum!

Every time I get on a bus I fear for my sanity. SF Muni owes me therapy.

There's the physical anxiety. What kind of maniacal games are Muni drivers playing? Do they think it's wise to floor the accelerator like they're on Highway 5 to LA? Barely 2 seconds after the doors close, drivers “gun it” causing everyone to fall all over themselves dropping coffee cups, back-packs, and iphones. 15 seconds later, they jam on the breaks causing the same dominoes effect. Hey, driver! Did you forget about the city stop signs, red lights, and pedestrians? Of course not, it's all in the game. My left foot is still sore from yesterday's # 38 bus ride. And Mr. Old Man, my stomach is not a receptacle for your umbrella or cane. And people, Muni is not your sandbox. Stop littering, spitting, farting, snorting, coughing, and re-arranging your crotch.

Then there's the mental anxiety. Why does every drug addict and relative of Pig Pen wait to find me at the bus stop? A little deodorant and mouth wash wouldn't hurt. And why is it normal to wait 2o minutes for a bus just to see 2 of them pull up together? Is staggering bus departures illegal? Do bus driver's have to change shifts on every bus ride I take? Would be fine if they jumped on and off the bus. But, no. Last week on the #5, the 2 drivers decided to have a 5 minute rendezvous. Then the new driver realized he had forgotten something and ran into Starbuck's to get coffee. 10 minutes later we were on our way. And hey, Ms Recovering Alcoholic, I'm not interested in your new found lease on life. Or Mr. Opera Singer, the bus crowd is not interested in being your test audience.

I could go on and on, but would rather hear from you. Use the comment section to relay your stories about SF Muni or Bart. Which line bugs you the most? And I'm not interested in hearing how great Muni is. I know there are some great drivers. But the crazy ones make all the difference.

Carrie Bradshaw, SHUT UP!!

SATC, as a franchise, is dead. Instead of a being a funny & possibly touching reunion of aging girlfriends, SATC 2 turned into an episode of The Real Housewives of Abu Dhabi where the moral is: All women adore fashion, fries, Suzanne Summers, & karaoke. Wow, that’s deep. These women have become caricatures of their already outlandish selves. Listening to them complain from the comfort of their all-expense paid luxury vacation was nauseating. Carrie, who was upset with her marriage dynamic, inadvertently nailed it when she referred to herself as a bitch wife who nags Big. If my husband bought me a new flat screen TV so we could watch black & white movies together & spend more time in bed, I’d be happy. Carrie, would you have preferred a man who didn’t want to touch you or stopped coming home at all? Oh, that’s right. You might have, since that would have given you a topic for your column. Seriously, it wasn't a vacuum.

I actually liked the men better in this movie than the women, except for Miranda who tried to make the best of everything and wasn’t the typical, obnoxious American tourist. Big, who is, God forbid, tired from working all day & wants to relax, tries to accommodate his bratty wife, who only softens at the sight of expensive shoes or jewelry. Smith, who’s very famous, makes sure Samantha is credited with establishing his career. Steve is Miranda’s cheerleader, supporting her career move & being a good father. And Harry is there as always. Only Aidan, the proud papa of 3 boys, is made to look a little foolish, which made me angry. Aidan was always too good for Carrie, who repeatedly mistreated him. I don’t believe he’d kiss Carrie like that even far away from friends and family. Spurned lovers can carry secret torches for old flames, but rarely expose themselves to that pain again. Aidan has too much self-respect for that scene.

So why did I see this movie? SATC was never about feminism, unless you think feminism is about self-indulgence & consumerism. Before the HBO version of SATC, we had Ally McBeal, which often had funnier & more compelling characters (especially season 4 with Robert Downey, JR), and BBC’s Absolutely Fabulous with Jennifer Saunders & Joanna Lumley which parodied rich, alcoholic “bitches” in a much funnier and realistic way. I cherish my own group of girlfriends (and you know who you are) who have supported me through relationships, career changes, family issues, & fun, and are much more complex women than these 4. The SATC women were barely 2 dimensional. Miranda was the “neurotic, career-driven woman”; Samantha, the “sex kitten”; Charlotte, the “good girl” (though she got more bone than any Episcopalian I ever met); and Carrie, the what? I was never sure. A whiner in search for the perfect cocktail & lay?  She was never satisfied with anything or anyone—just like the men she supposedly hated. Nonetheless, SATC was fun for several seasons. I enjoyed the frank talk about sex, the NY scenes, and the fashion. That’s what I was looking for in this movie and was deeply disappointed.
 

At the risk of sounding like Amy Poehler & Seth Meyer’s SNL Really? skit...Stanford & Anthony marry. Really? They tried dating at one point during the series but never really made it as a couple. Guess it gave Liza Minnelli a chance to attend another gay wedding and get enough screen time to keep her SAG card. Islamic Fundamentalism vs. these 4 ladies. Really?  Sounds more dangerous than funny. Why couldn’t they have stayed in NY to show us current, hip clubs or restaurants? Carrie’s big hats, turbans, and 80’s inspired clothes. Really? So ugly. Couldn’t Carrie have become friends with Christian Siriano, our favorite Project Runway winner, so we could have seen his showroom & new line? That would have been a hoot. Samantha makes fun of Ricard Spirt’s name (Dick!) and makes pipe smoking phallic. Really? That would have been funnier in season 1, but is tired & unoriginal now. They should have asked Chelsea Handler, Tina Fey, or Sarah Silverman for some current one-liners. And Charlotte. Really?  If you’re going to wear Valentino while baking cupcakes with your children, you deserve 5-year-old red, candied handprints on your ass. Seriously, people, didn’t you see that one coming?

There were a few genuinely funny & touching moments. Like when Charlotte & Miranda commiserated over how hard it is to be a mother. Or when Aidan talked about his boys. Or the caricature of Carrie Bradshaw in The New Yorker. But that brings me back to my original point: SATC, as a franchise, is dead. Michael Patrick King, who isn’t that inventive of a director, can’t find anything new to say about these ladies. So I suggest he stops so I can remember the nice, tidy way HBO ended the show on the series finale.

!!R.I.P.SINGER ACTRESS LENA HORNE DIES AT 92 'STORMY WEATHER'!!

More from Eyjafjallajokull - The Big Picture - Boston.com

Click on the link below to view some amazing photos of Iceland...

More from Eyjafjallajokull - The Big Picture - Boston.com

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Random Randomness...

Been away for a while, recovering from pneumonia, which, by the way, I don't recommend. Here are some quotes I collected while recuperating. Enjoy this mixture of humor & somber reality.

Conan O'Brien: “In 3 months I've gone from network television to Twitter to performing live in theater, & now I'm headed to basic cable. My plan is working perfectly.”

Tim Goodman, SF Chronicle TV Critic: “Remember, all [Conan] failed at was being Jay Leno—and there's only one unfunny, delusional, power-mad, attention seeker capable of pulling that off.”

Chris Rock & George Lopez chat:[re. Conan's move to TBS at 11 am, making George move his show to midnight]

  CR: “You're gonna move for the white man? You don't have to clean a park or nothin', right?”  
  GL: “I get to go to work an hour later. That's a Latino's dream come true!”

Jesse Ventura: “Why hasn't the Catholic Church been prosecuted under the RICO laws of organized crime?” 

Bill Maher: “Don't 'worry'. Goldman Sachs has the best attorneys: Alito, Breyer, Ginsburg, Kennedy, Roberts, Scalia, Sotomayor, Stevens, & Thomas—our Supreme Court.”..........And, “I'd like to see Sarah Palin & Michelle Bachman on Jeopardy.”

Joan Rivers: [re. Kate Gosselin on DWTS] “Every time she lifts her leg, I think another kid is going to fly out.”

David Pogue, New York Times Tech Writer & Novelist: “Law of Hygienic Immersion: Fully immersing the body in bathwater immediately causes the phone to ring.”..........And, “Closet corollary to the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics: Random junk explodes to fill the available closet space.”

Ron Paul: “Why are we building an embassy in London for 1 billion $ when the U.S. is bankrupt?”

Jon Stewart's retort to Fox News: “Fuck you!”