Jon Stewart,

Please don't go. I can't lose The Colbert Report and you in the same year.

See his latest installment about Caitlyn Jenner..

Click here.

Mad Men

Break out the whiskey, orange slices, and cocktail cherries. Mad Men's series finale airs on Sunday, May 17th.

No, it won't end with Don Draper falling to his death from the top of a NYC skyscraper. Matthew Weiner, the show's creator, wouldn't do anything that obvious. He'll do something unexpected. And whatever that is, I'm grateful we had such a great series to watch all these years, warts and all.

Although I've enjoyed Jon Hamm as Don Draper, I'm even more impressed with Peggy Olson and Pete Campbell, played by Elizabeth Moss and Vincent Kartheiser respectively. Don't you just love to hate Pete! These are some of theatre's greatest "B" characters!

The following are some classic lines from the show. See if you can guess who said what (the answer key is at the bottom).

1. It's a chip and dip.
2. Men don't take time to end things. They ignore you and insist on a declaration of hate.
3. What you call love was invented by guys like me...to sell nylons.
4. She was born in 1898 in a barn. She died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper. She's an astronaut.
5. One minute you're on top of the world, the next minute some secretary's running you over with a lawn mower.
6. I hope she knows you only like the beginning of things.
7. Not great, Bob!
8. If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation.
9. Well, I gotta learn a bunch of people's names before I fire them.
10. I don't care what your politics are, this is America. You don't just shoot the President!

And the ultimate from Peggy Olson...click here

Cheers, Don!

Answer key:

1. Pete Campbell (he returned it for a rifle)
2. Joan Harris (said to Peggy)
3. Don Draper (said to Rachel Menchen)
4. Bert Cooper (describing Ida Blankenship)
5. Joan Harris (said to Don Draper in a hospital waiting room)
6. Dr. Faye (after she hears Don's going to marry Megan)
7. Pete Campbell (said to Bob Benson after Pete learned his mother was "lost at sea")
8. Don Draper (words to live by)
9. Roger Sterling (what a darling!)
10. Trudy Campbell (played by the wonderful Alison Brie)

I'd like to be that watch

Don't feel like writing a real column. So here are some random notes....

1. Been a while since I was hit on. Yesterday I wore a pocket watch necklace and was accosted by a man who said, "I'd like to reside where that watch is!" My response, in my head, was, "You'd like it!" But, instead, I gave him my inbred semi-smile, and walked away. Had to, given my location [deliberately being cryptic as to my location].
2. People, love your commas.........Consider the following:  Let's eat Grandpa  - versus -  Let's eat, Grandpa.   While Grandpa's leg might be tasty with some barbeque sauce, I'd rather just eat with him.
3. Click here for fun shoe facts, like:
   
4. Fun fact about snow: It doesn't snow in Maui. Let's go, NOW!

Girl Power!

In my day girls started tormenting each other around 3rd grade. While boys physically beat each other up and hurled hurtful comments around, girls became master manipulators and bitches by high school. Case in point, Regina George [below] from Tina Fey's hilarious, "Mean Girls." 

Cliques were formed, horrendous lies were told, and friendships were ruined. Straight boys were clueless at what girls were doing to each other and to them (and still are). 

That's why I was so delighted to witness the following at the library yesterday:

4 giggly girls sat at my table. After 10 minutes of checking texts and lip gloss, they got to work. Each seemed to be working on a different assignment. Eventually they stopped what they were doing, and exchanged copies of what they were working on. They checked each other's work, printed copies of their revised work, and then read for a while.

Curious, and nosey, I asked one of the girls what they were doing. She said, "Oh, we have so much homework, it's impossible to get it all done with basketball, baby sitting, etc, so we divvy up the homework, and help each other out. We don't really hand in exactly the same thing. But we get the majority of it done together."  

These industrious girls were 12 years old, totally "girly" but driven. I hope they take over the U.S. Senate one day!

Girl Power!

BTW, the fabulous Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting the Golden Globes tonight for the last time. You know where I'll be!

My Breasts Are Broken

My D cups could always open subway doors before my feet arrived or keep elevator doors from closing. Now my darlings could shelve flat screen tv's.

Ouch! 

Hey, lab technician, you're not trying to squeeze the last bit of minty toothpaste out of my tube of toothpaste. Quit it!

My boobs hurt when I lift them in the shower (yes, D cups need special shower TLC).  They're sore like when you strain your hamstrings. And they're red in certain spots. Damn! Think I need a sling - not a bra.

Do men have their own issues in their special areas after lab/doctor visits? Probably not, as Congress would have already enacted a special day of rest for them.

Click here for Marlo Thomas'  article on How to Survive Your Next Mamogram. There are additional humorous breast comic strips at the end of her article.
[Thanks to sweatpea147 for posting those humorous comic strips on Cafemom]

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

This is just cool...

Here's the link.

Can we talk?

Joan Rivers 

I'm sad. Joan Rivers died today. 

I know many people thought her humor was vulgar, her face was frightening (in her later years), and her fashion critiques were cruel. Whatever.

I thought she was a trailblazing comedienne who always made me laugh. Just last week I spent Tuesday night texting with my buddy, Derek, while watching Fashion Police. 

Joan was a survivor. A hilarious comedienne, who would have been Johnny Carson's replacement if she hadn't pissed him off by getting her own late night show. Many people don't know she was Carson's first permanent guest host. 

She dealt with her husband's suicide, kept up with the times, and literally worked until the day she died. I respected her work ethic and her fortitude. 

Some of her funny lines:

• I hate housework. You wake up, make the beds, do the dishes, and 6 months later, you have to start all over again.
• The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
• My vagina is like Newark. Men know it's there, but they don't want to visit.
• My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
• Bo Derek is so dumb, when she was asked what the capital of California is, she said, "C."
• Regarding breasts, you have knockers, I have doorbells.
• I was dating a proctologist with a sense of humor. We'd go out for drinks, and he'd go, "Bottoms Up!"
• I wish I had a twin so I could see what I'd look like without plastic surgery. 
• At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in 5 different accents.

Some great videos of her performances. 

And here's an article describing her life.

I'll miss you, Joan. 

3 Cheers for Labor Day!

Info re. the origin of Labor Day

And 3 Cheers for Unions! 

Sure, I was just as pissed as all of my co-workers when I used to walk the SF Lingerie floor only to find most of my new inventory sitting in a stockroom (or still on the dock) waiting for a union member to put in on the floor. But let's be real (and human). No one reading this blog would have the following benefits if it weren't for unions or the labor movement:

• Employer sponsored healthcare (or any formalized healthcare system). Tough luck if you get sick. 
• 40 hr work weeks. No one actually works 40 hrs. I'm talking about "blue collar" laborers who worked 7 days a week without any breaks. Going to the bathroom could get you into trouble (no joke!)
• Vacation, bereavement, and sick days. You could get fired for attending your mother's funeral. 
• 5 day work weeks, meaning you actually got some days off every week. 
• Retirement/Pension Funds. Not gonna get into today's retirement predicament - that's for another day. 
• Maternity/Paternity Leave. Yup, push out that baby and get back to work. 

  

  not my art work...got this from deviantart.com

So 3 Cheers for Labor Day. Hope you have the day off!

My passionate love affair with Cable TV continues...

R.I.P. Walter White...

I wish The Emmy's were on tonight, instead of Monday night, but I'll let it slide since the 49ers beat San Diego 21-7!

So many great shows this past year.

"Ozymandias" Breaking Bad:
Was there a more riveting episode in TV this year! I think I stopped breathing while watching it. And how was Gilligan able to slip in the comical scene with Walter pushing his $ through the desert. Definitely the best drama.

True Detective:
Then came True Detective, the show that plucked me out of my state of mourning for the end of Breaking Bad. "The McConaissance" (aka Matthew McConaughey) deserves the emmy. He gave a true "performance" and what a performance it was. Rust Cohle will go down as one of the great TV characters. And Woody Harrelson NEVER disappoints. These two along with the beautiful cinematography and great music are enough to make me overlook the poorly written female characters (well almost, I guess, since I just mentioned it).

Here are the 10 greatest Rust Cohle lines. 

And....here's Taran Killam on SNL spoofing McConaughey's Oscar acceptance speech.

Silicon Valley:
If you've lived in the SF Bay Area in the past 10-15 years, especially if you've dabbled in the tech world, you must watch this show. It nails Palo Alto, the West-Coast start-up culture and venture capitalists. R.I.P. Christopher Evan Welch, who played Peter Gregory (the pseudo Bill Thiel/Bill Gates caricature). So funny.

Other random thoughts:

• Billy Bob Thorton and Allison Tolman were fantastic in Fargo. No offense to Colin Hanks, but I wish Allison Tolman's character had solved the crime.
• I CAN... NOT...STAND Ray Donovan. Jon Voigt, stop overacting. And enough with the misogyny.
• Tatiana Maslany, why haven't you been nominated as Best Actress? You should win this category for Orphan Black, hands down!
• Jon Hamm, Elizabeth Moss, and John Slattery, when are you going to win Emmy's for your work on Mad Men?
• The Americans, season 2 was fantastic!
• Sherlock, why did I just find you on PBS? Benedict Cumberbatch (love that name) is terrific as Holmes. 

So I will be watching The Emmy's to see what everyone's wearing, and to listen to the acceptance speeches. I'll be in front of my TV on time. After all, when one resigns from one's job, one should definitely leave work no later than 6pm the last week of one's job. No doubt.

Sure, Steve Jobs had vision, but Star Trek...

Kirk holding a "communicator"

I'm not here to debate Steve Job's genius. His intellect and knack for sensing what the "hoi poloi" would treasure have been well documented (here's one such NYTimes article). Don Draper (Mad Men reference), a fictional advertising genius, often says people don't know what they want until you tell them. Jobs certainly dazzled the world for years.

I'm simply stating it's remarkable how may Star Trek gadgets have been realized. Perhaps he (as well as the other tech giants out there) was a Trekkie, or sci-fi buff.  Note the following:

• Kirk and crew relied on their communicators (aka flip phones/iphone). 
• Later on in the series they spoke into their communicator badges. A CA company called Vocera is actually working on a similar device that can be pinned to your shirt.
  
   
• They had GPS. How else could Scottie locate and beam up his crew mates!
• Uhuru used a blue-tooth device as the Communication Officer. 
• They used ichat/skype. 
  
• Picard used a an "ipad". And for that matter the etch-a-sketch was really an ipad. 
  
• Tri-corders were really hand-held devices for sensor scanning and data analysis.
• Scottie used voice activation and talked to his computer much like Apple Siri or Google Now.  
  
• They used portable digital storage (usb flash drives). 

Beam me up Scottie!