Friday, January 28, 2011


I'm going to invent craigsbook, a combo of craigslist and facebook, that will list all the jobs, businesses, parties, and merchandise I want to buy or sell, along with a beautiful picture of myself, all my videos, personal history, and short quips that will dazzle and amuse you. My dear friends, you will be able to post your own requests on this site as well. Sure, your privacy rights will be destroyed. But interfacing with the most viable social network in history will make up for all of that.

What? I'm not the first to suggest this? I should call it paulasbook, or just expand my own blog? Nonsense. It's the American way to capitalize on others' ideas. Mark Zuckerberg and Craig (yes, there is a Craig) will sue me. But who cares! Aaron Sorkin will write the screenplay. The movie will open with me, played by Kate Winslet, arguing with my ex-husband, played by a younger Alec Baldwin. I'm already in SF, so that should save time and $. And Justin Timberlake, who will market and fund this venture, will introduce me to Justin Bieber. Finally, I can ask the Biebs to get rid of that scary hairdo!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Golden Globes 2011

Or otherwise known as “ The Last Golden Globes Ricky Gervais Will Ever Host!”  Not because he wasn't brilliant, but because he dared to say what he felt. The Hollywood Foreign Press, and Hollywood in general, can't stand criticism, even in the form of a joke. And you better not make fun of an icon.

Gervais: “To the wife of [Hugh] Hefner, just don't look at it when you touch it!”  Or “The Tourist didn't have 3D characters.”  Or about Jennifer Lopez, “She's just Jenny from the block, especially if the block in question is between Cartier and Prada.” He disappeared from the broadcast for a while...Then he sealed the deal at the very end when he said, “Thank you to God for making me an atheist.” Just a taste of his many zingers.

OK, when you're in someone else's “house” you shouldn't insult them. But, seriously, these people can take it.

Here are my notes from the broadcast. Just a list because I'm too lazy to write a real post. I'm not even going to proofread it...

Sandra Bullock, is that a wig or a helmet with hair? Are you trying to hide from your ex?

Why does Keith Urban's hair bother me? Just hate it.

Loved Natalie Portman's maternity dress. But sorry, I'm not going to see Black Swan. Sick of movies about tortured women.

Yeah! Katey Sagal won. She's great in Sons of Anarchy.

I'd be plastered if I drank a shot every time they showed Brad & Angie.

Helen Mirren, looking smart and sexy as usual.

Disappointed neither Jon Hamm nor Elizabeth Moss won for acting. Their performances in The Suitcase, the 7th episode of Man Men's 4th season, were spectacular.

Loved it when Aaron Sorkin told his daughters that smart girls have all the fun.

Is The Good Wife really that good? It gets nominated so often.

Seems like it would be fun to hang out with Mila Kunis, who's always laughing and having a great time.

My body just exploded. They just showed Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jr. talking. Thinking 3some!

Robert De Niro, you're an actor. Don't you know how to read cue cards/prompters?

Jeff Bridges, the Dude Abides!!!  Would be fun to have dinner with you.

Tim Goodman, The Hollywood Reporter's Chief Television Critic just tweeted: “Halle Berry is the Black Swan.”

James Franco has a wicked grin.

Geoffry Rush, are you auditioning for a role in Mad Men with that hat?

January Jones should never do comedy.

Jeremy Irons is very impressed with his British accent.

Jennifer Love Hewitt, are you standing behind your starched dress? Will it walk away without you?

You mean Jessie Eisenberg isn't Mark Zuckerberg? Better check his FB page.

I guess I should watch Toy Story 3.

Micheal Douglas, well played: “Gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation.” [For those of you who don't know, he's been cancer free for 1 month.]

That's enough...Did I miss anything?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Shut Up!

Yes, I'm in a bad mood. Must be the remnants of the flu/cold I've been recovering from this past week. But I wish the following people would shut up and the following topics would disappear from the internet:

  • Oprah Winfrey and her new OWN network. Yea, you've done a lot of good in your life. But enough with your commercialism and capitalistic orgasms.
  • John Boehner. Enough with the tears. You're an ass.
  • Snooki and the entire Jersey Shore cast.
  • Women talking about their bikini waxes. 
  • Black Swan. Don't want to hear/see women hurting themselves.
  • Barack Obama. Just shut it and create some American jobs.
  • Sarah Palin. Just go away, please!
Anything you're tired of?