Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Martin Short Sings To Bin Laden

Thought this Late Night video of Martin Short singing to Osama Bin Laden was pretty funny. Click on the link and scroll down a bit to view it. The singing starts around 1:40.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Royal Wedding

Woo Hoo! The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge can legally have sex now! I hope they got the George Foreman grill I sent them.

I watched the whole damn thing, live. I'm in SF, so that means 3 am. Didn't mean to. I fell asleep on the couch around 9:45 pm, woke up at 2:15 am, and said to myself: What the hell! 

Now, I'm not British, so I don't get the hat thing. I realize it's a social faux pas not to wear one at this wedding. But why did Princess Beatrice feel the need to wear her IUD on top of her head? Just doesn't make sense to me. I didn't think women in their 20's used them anymore.

And what's up with Tweety Bird, aka Queen Elizabeth? So much yellow. I'm convinced she only owns one outfit that's dyed every night. Camilla looked...actually she looked pretty good. No joke there, sorry.

On to the main event: Catherine. What a great name for a future Queen. The last one, Catherine of Aragon, was married to Jonathan Rhys Meyers, I mean Henry VIII, and was tossed aside for that trollop, Anne Boleyn. Our Catherine is safe, though. William loves her. After all, he kissed her twice on the balcony. Geez, guys, get a castle!

Ahh, the dress. I think it was a wonderful variation of Grace Kelly's dress. Kate was able to show off her figure and pretty neckline without being sexy (God forbid), cover her arms (again, God forbid), look fairly modern, wear her hair down the way Wills likes it, and look like a princess all at the same time.  She even managed to keep her nerves in check. Well done!

In contrast, Diana looked like she was completely overwhelmed in her mounds of wrinkled taffeta—and terrified. Poor thing. She had to sleep with Charles that night. No one should have to experience that.

Let's talk about Pippa. Wow, she looked amazing, despite the excessive self-tanning. Leave the orange skin to Donald Trump, please. This dress was definitely more modern than Kate's. Loved the low scooped neck, the slinky fit, the buttons down the back, and the half-up and half-down hair clipped with flowers. Kate would have looked great in that dress too, but, again, the future Queen can't sashay through Westminster Abbey. 

I think the little bridesmaids wore dresses that were similar to the dresses Diana's little bridesmaids wore. Maybe that was another way to invoke Diana's memory. Either way, they were cute.

Overall, it was a great show. I'm glad I decided to watch it. And I'm also glad, America, that you don't require hats.

Harry, you're on deck! I know you can party!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Dear President Obama and Congress:

I've mismanaged my funds and can't decide on a budget for next year. This means I'm going to have to shut down my checkbook and credit cards. Gosh darn it! I won't be able to pay my taxes on April 15th. You're such a benevolent group. I know you understand my predicament and wish me well. Thanks guys! You're the best.

Hugs and Kisses,

The American People

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Elizabeth Taylor

Some Elizabeth Taylor quotes:

“Some of my best leading men have been
dogs and horses.”

“I don't think President Bush is doing anything
at all about Aids. In fact, I don't think he knows
how to spell Aids.”

“I am a very committed wife. And I should be
committed too—for being married so many times.”

“If someone's dumb enough to offer me a million
dollars to make a picture, I'm certainly not dumb
enough to turn it down.”

“When the sun comes up, I have morals again.”

“The problem with people who have no vices is that, generally, you can be pretty sure
they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.”

“I love Richard Burton with every fibre of my soul, but we can't be together.”

“Big girls need big diamonds.”

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Gloria Steinem

Did a little reading about Gloria Steinem this morning. Here are a few of her famous quotes:

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

“Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood.”  [still true in 2011]

“I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I've yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing.” 

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” 

“It is more rewarding to watch money change the world than watch it accumulate.” 

“Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.” 

“Most women's magazines simply try to mold women into bigger and better consumers.” 

“No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office.”

“Pornography is about dominance. Erotica is about mutuality.” 

“The future depends entirely on what each of us does every day; a movement is only people moving.”

“Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else.” 

Monday, March 7, 2011

Women's History Month

It's Women's History Month. Woohoo!! Give the women who are important to you a kiss and hug today. We deserve it.

Here's an interesting missive from Senator Boxer:

Dear Friend:

Each March, Americans celebrate Women’s History Month by remembering and by teaching a new generation about the critical role that women have played in our nation’s history.
Like so many other great ideas, this observance began in California.  Sonoma County established an annual Women’s History Week in 1978 during the week of March 8th, when International Women’s Day is celebrated worldwide.  The idea quickly caught on across the country and in Congress, where resolutions celebrating Women's History Month have been passed with bipartisan support since 1987.

Women have made great strides throughout American history, from winning universal voting rights to keeping our economy moving during World War II. Women have fought wars for this country, and they have helped to end them.  They have kept our children safe, healthy, and well-educated.  Within my children’s lifetimes, women’s voices have grown louder in the boardroom, in science labs, and in the halls of government.  Within my grandchildren’s lifetimes, I have faith that we will move closer to true equality.
But we have a long way to go.  We are more than half of this country, but we’re just a sixth of the people representing it in Congress.  Women still earn an average of 77 cents for every dollar men make.  Just 15 women run a Fortune 500 company.  And now women’s health is under assault in Congress.

The Republicans’ 2011 budget would end funding for the critical Title X family planning program, which provides millions of breast cancer screenings and STI tests and which helps prevent hundreds of thousands of unwanted pregnancies every year.
Republicans also want to eliminate federal funding for Planned Parenthood.  That means more than 730,000 Californians – men and women – who rely on Planned Parenthood’s services will lose access to quality, affordable health care, for cancer and STI screenings, and for counseling on issues ranging from family planning to dealing with sexual assault - and this budget would decimate all of those services.

Women’s History Month gives us a chance to honor the past achievements of American women.  We can honor them and their legacy by giving every American equal treatment and support under the law, in the workplace, and in the classroom.  We can honor them by ensuring that being female will never be hazardous to anyone’s health.  And we can honor them by building on, not undoing, all of their hard work.  Every woman and girl deserves to leave her mark for the next generation, and it’s up to all of us to give them that chance.

Barbara Boxer
United States Senator

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Jimmy Fallon Impersonates Charlie Sheen

I think you'll get a kick out of this clip showing Charlie Sheen, played by Jimmy Fallon, advertising his new fragrance: Winning.

After you've clicked on the link, scroll half-way down the page, and click on the video.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

2011 Oscars

I feel like I was stuck on JFK's runway for the past 10 hours. I'm drained, my hair's a mess, and I just want to crawl into the fetal position. What a dreadful show! I think the audience agreed, given that fact that Billy Crystal, host emeritus, enjoyed a thunderous standing ovation, when he walked onto the stage to pay tribute to Bob Hope. Finally, someone who knew how to relate to an audience.

You can't blame the energetic Anne Hathaway. She did everything she could possibly do, including singing and changing into numerous dresses. But she had no chemistry with her co-host, James Franco, who was his usual aloof self. James, if you were bored, how do you think we felt? Everyone on twitter thought he was stoned, which might be the case, considering he forgot which movie won best picture 5 minutes after it was announced. Ricky Gervais, who was ridiculed for his searing Golden Globes hosting performance, must be laughing his ass off right now.

The opening montage was predictable: Take the host(s) and insert them into clips from the nominated films. Then the hosts came out on stage, and we were without humor, wit, or whimsy. Here are some miscellaneous thoughts:

  • Halle Berry should not be allowed to stand next to any female. Just not fair. She was absolutely gorgeous in her Marchesa gown.
  • I hope I look half as good as Helen Mirren, when I'm her age. Loved her new, shorter haircut.
  • If Jennifer Hudson is on the stage, Gwyneth Paltrow should not be singing—although Gwyneth looked terrific in her Calvin Klein gown earlier in the evening. 
  • Kirk Douglas, age 94, had more energy and was funnier than most of the presenters.
  • ABC, if you want to attract “younger” viewers, stop boring us with retrospectives.
  • Robert Downey Jr. was funny and handsome. Yum!
  • Very happy Toy Story 3 won Best Animated Film.
  • Anne Hathaway was beautiful in her red Valentino gown on the red carpet.
  • The Modern Family Oscar's commercial was hilarious!
  • I had forgotten both Blake Edwards and Tony Curtis died last year. So sad.
  • Glad Aaron Sorkin won Best Adapted Screenplay for The Social Network.
  • The King's Speech won Best Picture. It was a good film, but I would have been just as happy if The Social Network had won.
OK, is awards season over? I'm going to bed now. Good night. 

Friday, February 25, 2011


It's the question we're all asking: Who's crazier, Charlie Sheen or Muammar al-Gaddafi?...Nah, we're all wondering what's gonna happen at The 2011 Oscars!

Because it's the most poorly produced and written awards show, it's the most fun to criticize. I don't care who wins this year, since it wasn't a particularly stellar year for movies. But I am ready for some outrageous outfits and acceptance speeches. Will our co-hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco, be carried out in an egg, a la Lady Gaga? Will Facebook go down if The Social Network doesn't win? Will Colin Firth stutter?

This got me thinking about past Best Picture winners. Click the following link for a list.

Gone With The Wind (1939) is both horrible and fabulous, and it had tough competition with Dark Victory, Wuthering Heights, Ninotchka, and The Wizard of Oz. In retrospect, I would have picked The Wizard of Oz. I love Casablanca (1943), All About Eve (1950), Tom Jones (1963), The Godfather (1972), The Sting (1973), and Amadeus (1984).

Godfather II, one of the best sequels ever, won in 1974. But I've got to admit Chinatown had the better screenplay.

Some misfires IMHO:

  • Fargo should have beaten The English Patient in 1996. Whether or not you liked it, Fargo got your attention.
  • Pulp Fiction should have beaten Forrest Gump in 1994. What a travesty. Almost every director in Hollywood tried to replicate Pulp Fiction in some form. I'll have a Royale with cheese.  Jungle Boogie!
  • Goodfellas, Martin Scorsese's best film, should have beaten Dances With Wolves in 1990. I can still see Ray Liotta running with Gimme Shelter playing in the background.
  • Brokeback Mountain should have beaten Crash in 2005. The film was visually beautiful, and Heath Ledger's performance was haunting. 
What do you think?

You know where yours truly will be on Sunday night. 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Silver Lining Shop

Check out my friend's website:

Kristina Tillman, owns The Silver Lining Shop, which is dedicated to unique, handcrafted jewelry, featuring gemstone, sterling silver, pearl, crystal and lampwork glass. Many of her pieces are one-of-a-kind, and all are made by local artists. Every piece reflects the unique personality of the artist who created it.

Feel free to make comments about the jewelry in the comment section below; email Kristina directly at; or use the contact page on her website. Enjoy her jewelry!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Are You F*cking Kidding Me!

Thanks for sharing this with me, Jane!  And thanks to Kate Miller-Heidke for this hilarious song.

You'll get a kick out of it, even if you haven't experienced the pleasure of an unwanted ex trying to reconnect with you via social media, as I did about a 1 1/2 years ago.

I've replayed it several times.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Serious Post

This post will stray from my normal whimsy. It's important that women—and men—pay attention to the sickening women's health debate going on in Washington DC right now. White Republican men never seem to propose health care cuts for men. They always go after women, as the second class citizens they still think we are. Click on the link below.

The youtube video is about 9 minutes long.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Favorite Valentine's Movies

Love is in the air. Or at least at the movies. I think Moonstruck is my favorite Valentine's movie. Who could resist that full moon, love, infidelity, Cher slapping Nic Cage, the opera...

Do you love him, Loretta?
Ma, I love him awful.
Oh, God, that's too bad.

Then, of course, there's Like Water for Chocolate, a sensual tale of forbidden love and erotic food. And Casablana, with Rick sacrificing his love for Ilsa, the smoldering Ingrid Bergman. Play it again, Sam, and again, and again. And Amelie, that sweet girl who was determined to bring happiness to everyone by doing anonymous good deeds. I also love Keira Knightly's version of Pride and Prejudice. And I'm still laughing at Whoopi Goldberg's performance in Ghost. I didn't know you could have sex with dead men. Ashton Kutcher, beware!

What are your favorite Valentine's movies?

Friday, January 28, 2011


I'm going to invent craigsbook, a combo of craigslist and facebook, that will list all the jobs, businesses, parties, and merchandise I want to buy or sell, along with a beautiful picture of myself, all my videos, personal history, and short quips that will dazzle and amuse you. My dear friends, you will be able to post your own requests on this site as well. Sure, your privacy rights will be destroyed. But interfacing with the most viable social network in history will make up for all of that.

What? I'm not the first to suggest this? I should call it paulasbook, or just expand my own blog? Nonsense. It's the American way to capitalize on others' ideas. Mark Zuckerberg and Craig (yes, there is a Craig) will sue me. But who cares! Aaron Sorkin will write the screenplay. The movie will open with me, played by Kate Winslet, arguing with my ex-husband, played by a younger Alec Baldwin. I'm already in SF, so that should save time and $. And Justin Timberlake, who will market and fund this venture, will introduce me to Justin Bieber. Finally, I can ask the Biebs to get rid of that scary hairdo!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Golden Globes 2011

Or otherwise known as “ The Last Golden Globes Ricky Gervais Will Ever Host!”  Not because he wasn't brilliant, but because he dared to say what he felt. The Hollywood Foreign Press, and Hollywood in general, can't stand criticism, even in the form of a joke. And you better not make fun of an icon.

Gervais: “To the wife of [Hugh] Hefner, just don't look at it when you touch it!”  Or “The Tourist didn't have 3D characters.”  Or about Jennifer Lopez, “She's just Jenny from the block, especially if the block in question is between Cartier and Prada.” He disappeared from the broadcast for a while...Then he sealed the deal at the very end when he said, “Thank you to God for making me an atheist.” Just a taste of his many zingers.

OK, when you're in someone else's “house” you shouldn't insult them. But, seriously, these people can take it.

Here are my notes from the broadcast. Just a list because I'm too lazy to write a real post. I'm not even going to proofread it...

Sandra Bullock, is that a wig or a helmet with hair? Are you trying to hide from your ex?

Why does Keith Urban's hair bother me? Just hate it.

Loved Natalie Portman's maternity dress. But sorry, I'm not going to see Black Swan. Sick of movies about tortured women.

Yeah! Katey Sagal won. She's great in Sons of Anarchy.

I'd be plastered if I drank a shot every time they showed Brad & Angie.

Helen Mirren, looking smart and sexy as usual.

Disappointed neither Jon Hamm nor Elizabeth Moss won for acting. Their performances in The Suitcase, the 7th episode of Man Men's 4th season, were spectacular.

Loved it when Aaron Sorkin told his daughters that smart girls have all the fun.

Is The Good Wife really that good? It gets nominated so often.

Seems like it would be fun to hang out with Mila Kunis, who's always laughing and having a great time.

My body just exploded. They just showed Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jr. talking. Thinking 3some!

Robert De Niro, you're an actor. Don't you know how to read cue cards/prompters?

Jeff Bridges, the Dude Abides!!!  Would be fun to have dinner with you.

Tim Goodman, The Hollywood Reporter's Chief Television Critic just tweeted: “Halle Berry is the Black Swan.”

James Franco has a wicked grin.

Geoffry Rush, are you auditioning for a role in Mad Men with that hat?

January Jones should never do comedy.

Jeremy Irons is very impressed with his British accent.

Jennifer Love Hewitt, are you standing behind your starched dress? Will it walk away without you?

You mean Jessie Eisenberg isn't Mark Zuckerberg? Better check his FB page.

I guess I should watch Toy Story 3.

Micheal Douglas, well played: “Gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation.” [For those of you who don't know, he's been cancer free for 1 month.]

That's enough...Did I miss anything?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Shut Up!

Yes, I'm in a bad mood. Must be the remnants of the flu/cold I've been recovering from this past week. But I wish the following people would shut up and the following topics would disappear from the internet:

  • Oprah Winfrey and her new OWN network. Yea, you've done a lot of good in your life. But enough with your commercialism and capitalistic orgasms.
  • John Boehner. Enough with the tears. You're an ass.
  • Snooki and the entire Jersey Shore cast.
  • Women talking about their bikini waxes. 
  • Black Swan. Don't want to hear/see women hurting themselves.
  • Barack Obama. Just shut it and create some American jobs.
  • Sarah Palin. Just go away, please!
Anything you're tired of?