Saturday, September 27, 2014

My Breasts Are Broken

My D cups could always open subway doors before my feet arrived or keep elevator doors from closing. Now my darlings could shelve flat screen tv's.


Hey, lab technician, you're not trying to squeeze the last bit of minty toothpaste out of my tube of toothpaste. Quit it!

My boobs hurt when I lift them in the shower (yes, D cups need special shower TLC).  They're sore like when you strain your hamstrings. And they're red in certain spots. Damn! Think I need a sling - not a bra.

Do men have their own issues in their special areas after lab/doctor visits? Probably not, as Congress would have already enacted a special day of rest for them.

Click here for Marlo Thomas'  article on How to Survive Your Next Mamogram. There are additional humorous breast comic strips at the end of her article.
[Thanks to sweatpea147 for posting those humorous comic strips on Cafemom]

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

This is just cool...

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Can we talk?

Joan Rivers 

I'm sad. Joan Rivers died today. 

I know many people thought her humor was vulgar, her face was frightening (in her later years), and her fashion critiques were cruel. Whatever.

I thought she was a trailblazing comedienne who always made me laugh. Just last week I spent Tuesday night texting with my buddy, Derek, while watching Fashion Police. 

Joan was a survivor. A hilarious comedienne, who would have been Johnny Carson's replacement if she hadn't pissed him off by getting her own late night show. Many people don't know she was Carson's first permanent guest host. 

She dealt with her husband's suicide, kept up with the times, and literally worked until the day she died. I respected her work ethic and her fortitude. 

Some of her funny lines:
  • I hate housework. You wake up, make the beds, do the dishes, and 6 months later, you have to start all over again.
  • The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
  • My vagina is like Newark. Men know it's there, but they don't want to visit.
  • My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
  • Bo Derek is so dumb, when she was asked what the capital of California is, she said, "C."
  • Regarding breasts, you have knockers, I have doorbells.
  • I was dating a proctologist with a sense of humor. We'd go out for drinks, and he'd go, "Bottoms Up!"
  • I wish I had a twin so I could see what I'd look like without plastic surgery. 
  • At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in 5 different accents.

I'll miss you, Joan. 

Monday, September 1, 2014

3 Cheers for Labor Day!

Info re. the origin of Labor Day

And 3 Cheers for Unions! 

Sure, I was just as pissed as all of my co-workers when I used to walk the SF Lingerie floor only to find most of my new inventory sitting in a stockroom (or still on the dock) waiting for a union member to put in on the floor. But let's be real (and human). No one reading this blog would have the following benefits if it weren't for unions or the labor movement:

  • Employer sponsored healthcare (or any formalized healthcare system). Tough luck if you get sick. 
  • 40 hr work weeks. No one actually works 40 hrs. I'm talking about "blue collar" laborers who worked 7 days a week without any breaks. Going to the bathroom could get you into trouble (no joke!)
  • Vacation, bereavement, and sick days. You could get fired for attending your mother's funeral. 
  • 5 day work weeks, meaning you actually got some days off every week. 
  • Retirement/Pension Funds. Not gonna get into today's retirement predicament - that's for another day. 
  • Maternity/Paternity Leave. Yup, push out that baby and get back to work. 
    not my art this from
So 3 Cheers for Labor Day. Hope you have the day off!

Sunday, August 24, 2014

My passionate love affair with Cable TV continues...

R.I.P. Walter White...

I wish The Emmy's were on tonight, instead of Monday night, but I'll let it slide since the 49ers beat San Diego 21-7!

So many great shows this past year.

"Ozymandias" Breaking Bad:
Was there a more riveting episode in TV this year! I think I stopped breathing while watching it. And how was Gilligan able to slip in the comical scene with Walter pushing his $ through the desert. Definitely the best drama.

True Detective:
Then came True Detective, the show that plucked me out of my state of mourning for the end of Breaking Bad. "The McConaissance" (aka Matthew McConaughey) deserves the emmy. He gave a true "performance" and what a performance it was. Rust Cohle will go down as one of the great TV characters. And Woody Harrelson NEVER disappoints. These two along with the beautiful cinematography and great music are enough to make me overlook the poorly written female characters (well almost, I guess, since I just mentioned it).

Here are the 10 greatest Rust Cohle lines. 

's Taran Killam on SNL spoofing McConaughey's Oscar acceptance speech.

Silicon Valley:
If you've lived in the SF Bay Area in the past 10-15 years, especially if you've dabbled in the tech world, you must watch this show. It nails Palo Alto, the West-Coast start-up culture and venture capitalists. R.I.P. Christopher Evan Welch, who played Peter Gregory (the pseudo Bill Thiel/Bill Gates caricature). So funny.

Other random thoughts:

  • Billy Bob Thorton and Allison Tolman were fantastic in Fargo. No offense to Colin Hanks, but I wish Allison Tolman's character had solved the crime.
  • I CAN... NOT...STAND Ray Donovan. Jon Voigt, stop overacting. And enough with the misogyny.
  • Tatiana Maslany, why haven't you been nominated as Best Actress? You should win this category for Orphan Black, hands down!
  • Jon Hamm, Elizabeth Moss, and John Slattery, when are you going to win Emmy's for your work on Mad Men?
  • The Americans, season 2 was fantastic!
  • Sherlock, why did I just find you on PBS? Benedict Cumberbatch (love that name) is terrific as Holmes. 

So I will be watching The Emmy's to see what everyone's wearing, and to listen to the acceptance speeches. I'll be in front of my TV on time. After all, when one resigns from one's job, one should definitely leave work no later than 6pm the last week of one's job. No doubt.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Sure, Steve Jobs had vision, but Star Trek...

Kirk holding a "communicator"

I'm not here to debate Steve Job's genius. His intellect and knack for sensing what the "hoi poloi" would treasure have been well documented (here's one such NYTimes article). Don Draper (Mad Men reference), a fictional advertising genius, often says people don't know what they want until you tell them. Jobs certainly dazzled the world for years.

I'm simply stating it's remarkable how may Star Trek gadgets have been realized. Perhaps he (as well as the other tech giants out there) was a Trekkie, or sci-fi buff.  Note the following:

  • Kirk and crew relied on their communicators (aka flip phones/iphone). 
  • Later on in the series they spoke into their communicator badges. A CA company called Vocera is actually working on a similar device that can be pinned to your shirt.
  • They had GPS. How else could Scottie locate and beam up his crew mates!
  • Uhuru used a blue-tooth device as the Communication Officer. 
  • They used ichat/skype. 
  • Picard used a an "ipad". And for that matter the etch-a-sketch was really an ipad. 
  • Tri-corders were really hand-held devices for sensor scanning and data analysis.
  • Scottie used voice activation and talked to his computer much like Apple Siri or Google Now.  
  • They used portable digital storage (usb flash drives). 
Beam me up Scottie!

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Sunday Silliness - May 18th

Bill Maher pokes fun at the conservative agenda here.

Enjoy with your soy chai tea latte.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Mother's Day Thoughts

Lorelai Gilmore

I've always thought that if I had had children, my mothering style would be like Star's Hollow's very own Lorelai Gilmore (from Gilmore Girl's). Not because she got pregnant at 16 and raised her daughter on her own (all the while attracting almost every man she met), but because she was a dedicated mother who had issues with her "waspy" CT upbringing. Her quick wit [sometimes yes!] mixed with a casual style, devotion to her friends, and occasional bursts of exasperation carried her through her life.

Moms come in all shapes and sizes. Some unfortunate children endure mothers like Joan Crawford ("no more wire hangers!") or the self-absorbed Madame Bovary, who, after attempting to hide her deep dissatisfaction with motherhood, ends up killing herself and abandoning her daughter, Berthe - such an excruciating story!

Others are lucky enough to have someone like Kitty from That 70's Show, Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show, or the ever perky Carol Brady from The Brady Bunch as their mother.  All of these women adored and nurtured their children and friends, as well as having outside interests and jobs and being good role models. They must be exhausted. 

Childbirth, I'm told, is no picnic! Here are some "encouraging" statements some of my friends have heard from either their doctors or nurses while giving birth:

  • Let's get going. I don't have all day!
  • Wow, I've never seen anything like that!
  • Don't push! You need to wait for the doctor.
  • The anesthesiologist is out of epidurals. You'll have to wait.
  • This child doesn't look like either one of you! (really?)

Happy Mother's Day!

Sunday, May 4, 2014

This Sunday's video pick...

Why do I love everything Kevin Spacey does?
Normally I can't stand this song. Yet Spacey brings it home.

Watch it with your Sunday Soy Chai Mango Latte.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Some Inconsequential Observations

George Clooney & Amal Alamuddin
The internet is all aflutter over Amal Alamuddin's worthiness as George Clooney's fiance...I'd like to know if he's good enough for her! 

Look, everybody loves Clooney. He's good looking, entertaining, smart, civic minded, loyal - all great things. But she's the Oxford educated, British human rights lawyer (or more properly "Barrister") who represented Wikileaks Founder, Julian Assange, & former Ukranian Prime Minister, Yulia Tymoshenko. She's a legal advisor to the King of Bahrain, U.N. Special Envoy Kofi Annan's advisor on Syria, an accomplished author, speaks French & Arabic fluently  - my hand is getting tired typing all of her accomplishments.

And she's 36! Is Tina Fey snickering? [Golden Globes reference!].........Better keep up, Georgie.

Dear Matthew Weiner, you are clearly more enamored of Betty Draper/January Jones than most of your viewers. I love Mad Men. But Betty should be downgraded to background material. 

I want to meet this Rachel...

That's it. Enjoy this beautiful Saturday!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

What's your favorite book?

This post isn't really about The Catcher in the Rye. I just used its book cover to lure you to my blog (busted!). 

I do, however, want to talk about books.

Last night, after a particularly crappy work week, I indulged in several handfuls of dark chocolate. Couldn't help myself. The sight of the  See's box on the "communal table" at work made me smile (as it reminded me of San Francisco).

I don't eat sugar, as a rule, so you can imagine the intense sugar rush & headache that ensued. I was climbing the walls. Cleaning out my refrigerator and blasting music (that my neighbors no doubt loved) were poor downer substitutes. So I climbed into a bubble bath and re-read one of my favorite books as a teeny bopper, A Wrinkle in Time.

This got me thinking of all of the books & stories I've loved over the years:

  • Greek myth
  • Sherlock Holmes 
  • Homer's Odyssey
  • Crime and Punishment
  • Various limericks and children's poems
  • Gone with the Wind (yes, racism & all - & Clark Gable as Rhett Butler was devine)

I lied. The Catcher in the Rye isn't on my list. Despite numerous attempts, I've never been able to finish it. Just doesn't resonate with me. I know I'm in the minority here.

But there are many books I want to read between all my Cable TV viewing –BTW, I did enjoy Mad Men's season premiere last Sunday, though I have to admit I've re-watched Game of Throne's Purple Wedding more often (is Oleanna or Tywin the architect of Joffrey's murder? I think it's Oleanna.)

Today I'm going to take my new favorite ferry ride to Tribeca to do some Whole Foods shopping. Hopefully, I'll find Barnes & Noble still standing. I do like to hold old fashioned paper books in my hands. I'm looking for 1984 or 100 years of Solitude.........or maybe something more trivial. Then..........Let the reading begin!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Mad Men's Back!

At last! The premiere of Mad Men's 7th and final season (or season 7A if you will!).

I love TV! And if you love cable as much as I do, you're pretty damn excited about tonight:
  • Game of Thrones
  • Mad Men
  • Silicon Valley
And BTW, if you're not watching Mike Judge's Silicon Valley, you should. It pokes fun of Silicon Valley (duh!), gurus like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, Palo Alto, & tech nerds. If you loved Mike Judge's Office Space, and I know you did (37 pieces of flair, Peter Gibbon's quest to do nothing, Milton's red stapler), you'll love this. 

Oh, hell! It's Sunday. Click below and enjoy with your Venti Non-fat Chai Tea Latte.

I digress. Back to Mad Men...

Off the top of my head (no editing), here are some predictions and hopes for the final season(s).
  • Pete and Peggy come full circle & reunite. Not because I like the alliteration, but because they're very much alike & have been attracted to each other since the very first episode. [Oh, their child will not appear!]
  • There will be a lot of ugly 70's clothing. Should be fun to pick apart. 
  • Don Draper lands on his feet. He always does. I disagree with most people who think the opening credits telegraph Don's demise. 
  • The season will be beautifully filmed as usual.
  • The writing/vision will be tighter than season 6. Why? Robert Towne, the brilliant Chinatown screenwriter, is now a consulting producer. Course that means Weiner will have to loosen his Vulcan death-grip on the show. 
  • More Roger Sterling! John Slattery isn't directing any episodes this year (or Jon Hamm). That means more Roger one-liners! And that is always a good thing. 
  • Megan and Don won't divorce. They should. But I think the predominantly white, male writers & producers get a hard-on when she's around. They'll want to keep her on the show. 
  • Matthew Weiner will do something unexpected with the ending that will dismay many viewers. Relax! Just sit back and enjoy the ride.