Saturday, September 27, 2014

My Breasts Are Broken

My D cups could always open subway doors before my feet arrived or keep elevator doors from closing. Now my darlings could shelve flat screen tv's.


Hey, lab technician, you're not trying to squeeze the last bit of minty toothpaste out of my tube of toothpaste. Quit it!

My boobs hurt when I lift them in the shower (yes, D cups need special shower TLC).  They're sore like when you strain your hamstrings. And they're red in certain spots. Damn! Think I need a sling - not a bra.

Do men have their own issues in their special areas after lab/doctor visits? Probably not, as Congress would have already enacted a special day of rest for them.

Click here for Marlo Thomas'  article on How to Survive Your Next Mamogram. There are additional humorous breast comic strips at the end of her article.
[Thanks to sweatpea147 for posting those humorous comic strips on Cafemom]

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

This is just cool...

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Can we talk?

Joan Rivers 

I'm sad. Joan Rivers died today. 

I know many people thought her humor was vulgar, her face was frightening (in her later years), and her fashion critiques were cruel. Whatever.

I thought she was a trailblazing comedienne who always made me laugh. Just last week I spent Tuesday night texting with my buddy, Derek, while watching Fashion Police. 

Joan was a survivor. A hilarious comedienne, who would have been Johnny Carson's replacement if she hadn't pissed him off by getting her own late night show. Many people don't know she was Carson's first permanent guest host. 

She dealt with her husband's suicide, kept up with the times, and literally worked until the day she died. I respected her work ethic and her fortitude. 

Some of her funny lines:
  • I hate housework. You wake up, make the beds, do the dishes, and 6 months later, you have to start all over again.
  • The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
  • My vagina is like Newark. Men know it's there, but they don't want to visit.
  • My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
  • Bo Derek is so dumb, when she was asked what the capital of California is, she said, "C."
  • Regarding breasts, you have knockers, I have doorbells.
  • I was dating a proctologist with a sense of humor. We'd go out for drinks, and he'd go, "Bottoms Up!"
  • I wish I had a twin so I could see what I'd look like without plastic surgery. 
  • At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in 5 different accents.

I'll miss you, Joan. 

Monday, September 1, 2014

3 Cheers for Labor Day!

Info re. the origin of Labor Day

And 3 Cheers for Unions! 

Sure, I was just as pissed as all of my co-workers when I used to walk the SF Lingerie floor only to find most of my new inventory sitting in a stockroom (or still on the dock) waiting for a union member to put in on the floor. But let's be real (and human). No one reading this blog would have the following benefits if it weren't for unions or the labor movement:

  • Employer sponsored healthcare (or any formalized healthcare system). Tough luck if you get sick. 
  • 40 hr work weeks. No one actually works 40 hrs. I'm talking about "blue collar" laborers who worked 7 days a week without any breaks. Going to the bathroom could get you into trouble (no joke!)
  • Vacation, bereavement, and sick days. You could get fired for attending your mother's funeral. 
  • 5 day work weeks, meaning you actually got some days off every week. 
  • Retirement/Pension Funds. Not gonna get into today's retirement predicament - that's for another day. 
  • Maternity/Paternity Leave. Yup, push out that baby and get back to work. 
    not my art this from
So 3 Cheers for Labor Day. Hope you have the day off!