Gotta Love CA!

Can't sleep, though it's 1:07 AM. With 91% of the precincts counted, Boxer is leading Fiorina 51% to 44%. Guess Babs can buy that one way ticket to Washington, crazy haircut and all. Hooray!

Buh-Bye Fiorina! Need any help packing your bags for China? Or is that just for expendable HP employees? And Meg Whitman, got a spare million you can lend me? [singing] Brotha, can you spare a dime...

We've got Governor Moonbeam back, & I love it!  Jerry Brown, now 72 years old, was once the youngest Governor of CA. Whatever you may think of him, he is bat-shit, crazy in love with CA. Do you think Linda Ronstadt will dust off the cobwebs to sing at his inauguration? Probably not. He's married now.

And speaking of being fiscally responsible [who was, me?], Whitman spent approximately $150 million of her own $ just to be defeated by a man who basically started his campaign Labor Day weekend. Her platform: With my leadership, CA can be as prosperous as it was 30 years ago...Uh, Meg, Jerry Brown was Governor 30 years ago. D'OH!

Guess I'm not going to get much sleep before I make my way....to...the....GIANT's VICTORY PARADE WEDNESDAY MORNING!

Woohoo! It's a great week to live in SF!

VOTE!

There's no excuse. Unless you're in the hospital, you need to vote on Tuesday, Nov 2nd.  I know, in many cases, your choice is the lesser of 2 evils. But NOT Voting in NOT the answer. Complacency will get you/us nowhere.

I was on a couple of volunteer conference calls with Barbara Boxer this week. She says both she and Jerry Brown have tons of support. But—and this is a big but—the % of Democratic and Independent voters is smaller in mid-term elections than it is for Republicans. Simply put: Republicans vote. So Democrats and Independents, make sure you vote too!

And ladies, we got the right to vote 90 years ago. Don't waste it! See my Aug post. http://sfpaula.blogspot.com/2010/08/happy-birthday-womens-suffrage.html

If you're interested in learning more about Boxer, look at this post:
http://sfpaula.blogspot.com/2010/07/barbara-boxer-shook-my-hand.html

VOTE!!

Bull In A China Shop...

Or you can call this post: You can't take Paula anywhere!

I frequently complain about the unruly people I meet on the bus or on the streets of SF. Well, yesterday I was the unruly one.

Yesterday I had my eyes refracted/dilated. After I left my doctor's office, I went into a diner for lunch, wearing my cool sunglasses. Of course, I couldn't see very well, which, I guess explains why I kept asking the deaf man sitting next to me what time it was. I couldn't understand why he wasn't answering me until a woman leaned over me and said, “Lady, seriously, he can't hear you . It's 1:30.”

C'mon the sun was in my eyes! Sure...

Then about an hour later I was in Walgreens where I knocked over an entire display of candy. And then I dropped my change purse and had to ask someone to help me pick up my pennies.

By some miracle I got home safely. What a lunatic!

Cool Aerial Photographs

Check out these cool aerial photos by Yann Arthus-Bertrand.

http://justpaste.it/3ky

Click on above link.

Very Cool Website

My sister, Jane, showed me this very cool website. Click the link below, put in your childhood address, and watch. It does take a few minutes to download, but eventually you'll be able to see the house you grew up in—and—you'll be able to write a letter to your childhood self.

http://www.thewildernessdowntown.com/

Google, the evil empire, does do some cool stuff!

I Thought I Had Seen Everything...

Yesterday, I was at a coffee shop, minding my own business, when a woman came up to me demanding money. She lifted up her shirt and flashed a huge, red, infected boil with burn marks all around it. She stood there, challenging me, but I just walked away. A minute later I turned around and saw her flashing another stunned customer. I'll spare you the picture.

Wow, San Francisco gets weirder every day.

Happy Birthday Women's Suffrage!

On August 18th, 1920—90 YEARS AGO—American women won the right to vote and run for office without restrictions or qualifications, such as  property ownership, payment of tax, or marital status. We love you 19th Amendment! Finland was actually the first country to grant full suffrage in 1906, although other countries, such as Sweden, had granted restricted voting rights to women hundreds of years before. Check out the wikipedia link below, if you want to read the interesting details.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women's_suffrage

Ladies, historically speaking, that wasn't very long ago. We take  many of our rights for granted. This day has always meant more to me than July 4th, which represents the day white, male land owners proclaimed their freedom from Great Britain. I don't mean to trivialize the social and political significance to July 4th, but, honestly, only white men gained true freedom at that time. And to be accurate, only white women were able to enjoy this voting right in 1920. Different ethnic and social groups have had their own respective battles and triumphs throughout the years. Just look at what's going on with gay rights and Prop 8 in CA right now.

But let's get back to women. Here are a few fun facts gathered from the internet:

• A higher percentage of women vote than men.
• A majority of women vote Democratic
• Approximately 3/4 of the women in Congress are Democrats
• The Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, is third in line to the Presidency
• Our college attendance is equal to men
• Women make just 78 cents on the dollar on average (argh!!)
• Women must be given maternity leave

So let's celebrate! And vote!

Car Collision

I woke up in a great mood today. But then my phone rang, and a motorcycle cop informed me that my car, which had been parked in front of my apartment complex, had been rear-ended. Awesome!  A woman, coming from St Mary's Hospital, hit my car with enough force to lift it over the curb and destroy my rear tires. She then ricocheted into another car not far from mine. Miraculously, the front end of my car wasn't touched.  And, thankfully, a witness called the police and kept the woman from fleeing the scene. Wow, her car was a mess . The damage from all 3 cars will easily be $50,000 or higher. Not sure what the real explanation is. She didn't appear to be drunk or high or physically hurt.

Needless to say, I spent most of the day getting my car towed, speaking to insurance companies, and filling out reports.  I went into business mode immediately and was able to get everything taken care of without being upset. But now that I'm home and done with the details of the day I feel a little shaky. Guess I'll take a bubble bath and try to relax.

For Cat Lovers

If you've ever lived with a cat, you'll enjoy this YouTube video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q

Goofing Off

An old boyfriend said he was the most productive while goofing off. The down time refreshed his brain. For me, today, it meant avoiding laundry and bills while sipping a latte at a coffee shop and wandering through Golden Gate Park.

I Meant To Do My Work Today

I meant to do my work today—

But a brown bird sang in the apple tree,

And a butterfly flitted across the field,

And all the leaves were calling me.

And the wind went sighing over the land

Tossing the grasses to and fro,

And a rainbow held out its shining hand—

So what could I do but laugh and go?

Richard LeGallienne

 

 

Mad Men

I love Mad Men, the brilliant TV series about Don Draper's identity crisis (and ours) all wrapped up in the mores of the 1960's. It's my second favorite drama of all time, between The Wire (#1) and The Soprano's (#3). This Sunday night at 10:00 is the season 4 premier on AMC. Don't miss it. But if you haven't seen the series before, I'd advise starting from season 1 via netflix.

I'm not going to go on and on about the sharp dialogue, clothing, casting, styling, acting, and staging. Instead, I will list a few of my favorite quotes and provide YouTube links to the opening credits, Don Draper's soliloquy about nostalgia (from the season 1 finale), and a famous Pete/Peggy scene. The last link is to a Huffington Post article with other favorite quotes.

Roger Sterling:

When God closes a door he opens a dress....

You know what my father used to say? Being with a client is like being in a marriage. Sometimes you get into it for the wrong reason, and eventually they hit you in the face.

Don Draper:

If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation.

[To Peggy] Get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it didn't happen.

Joan Harris:

But that's life. One minute you're on top of the world. The next minute some secretary's running you over with a lawn mower.

[Greg to Joan]: Joannie, I don't want to have a fight right now.

[Joan to Greg]: Then stop talking.

Betty Draper:

Go watch TV.

Only boring people are bored.

Peggy Olson:

I'm Peggy Olson and I want to smoke some marijuana.

I am so high. 

Lane Pryce:

Am I to entertain your ballad of dissatisfaction, or has something actually happened? Because I am at work, dear. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcRr-Fb5xQo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2bLNkCqpuY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHo0sPISTKs

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/21/top-ten-mad-men-quotes-ph_n_654009.html

Enjoy

Conan Takes San Francisco

Last night Conan O'Brien came to SF to collect his Sketchfest 2010 Tribute Award at The Herbst Theater. I expected the usual accolades followed by an hour long retrospective of his career.  Instead, I was treated to a 3 hour conversation facilitated by Patton Oswalt with Andy Richter joining in about half way through. No pimping of Conan's upcoming show on TBS, bitter tirades against NBC or Leno, or glib remarks. Conan was raw and loose on stage as he and his buddies polished off a couple bottles of red wine while discussing their industry.

They said all TV executives, the “people behind the curtain”, are scared shitless. The internet, YouTube, social media, and cable have ripped the media business wide open. Studios are losing control and have no clue how to react. When Conan was tapped to take over Letterman's Late Night Show in 1993, there were no photos of him. Newspapers had to run a gritty image they snatched from a TV screen. Today anyone can advertise themselves, which gives more people a chance to shine or make fools of themselves. And reality TV has set a precedent that you can be famous not for any talent you might possess, but for just making a spectacle of yourself.

When Conan left Harvard, he made a pledge that he wasn't going to work on a show he didn't believe in. Money wasn't the priority. Although he had enormous respect for SCTV and wrote for The Simpsons, he felt SNL and Letterman's show were the most creative environments at the time. When he took over The Late Show in 1993, he had a week-to-week contract which eventually turned into a 13 week contract. He was canceled once, but the network had no replacement so he was put back on. Eventually the network lost interest in the show and left him alone, which gave him the freedom to develop the show he wanted. Contrast that to his almost non-honeymoon stage on The Tonight Show.

Conan believes longevity is overrated. It's not important to him how many people are watching him, but who's watching him and his connection to them. Although he's never gotten used to criticism, he's learned to push through it. He appreciates people who love his work and the outpouring of affection for him on Facebook. And it's important to him that he's thought of as a good husband and Dad, not just a comedian. To him, comedy and morality are interconnected.

Of course, Conan was funny too. He did the string dance and joked about his love of Popeye and the fact that his act is more like a cartoon than anything else. At one point he jumped up and yelled, “Fuck you, Jon Hamm, for being so handsome AND such a nice guy!” He made one of the audience members show him his driver's license, because he couldn't believe his name was Lazar. And when Patton was getting the wave to close the show, Conan got out of his chair, sat at the edge of stage, and continued to take questions and play with the audience. He was clearly enjoying himself—as was I. When I left the theater, I felt like I had spent the night at the local pub with my good friend, Conan.

Bon Voyage, Conan! I wish you well, and look forward to your new show in November.

Chris Rock Never Scared

Last night I watched Chris Rock's 2004 HBO special Never Scared, which was hilarious. Have you seen it? Get it from Netflix. It doesn't matter that some of the topics are dated. Here are a few youtube excerpts...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8BtHZWGB8c&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XZQLwDkM84&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvNGLBv82LA&feature=related

Enjoy
 

I love Pizza

Don't you? Pizza is always gobbled up at every work event, birthday party, super bowl party, and late night study session. Admit it. You've got some well-worn pizza take-out menus in your office and kitchen drawers. 

When you're hungry, there's nothing more satisfying than biting into a hot pizza,  dripping with melted mozzarella or feta cheese, tomato sauce, and your favorite crust. Pizza can satisfy any need or desire: veggie, organic, deep dish, non-gluten, Mexican, pepperoni, pineapple, plain, non-dairy... I've even seen wedding pizzas advertised. There's a wonderful breakfast pizza at Rose Cafe on Union St with smoked ham, fontina, and eggs. And you can grab a beer, watch the game, and order from a variety of pizzas at Pizza Orgasmica.

My favorite pizza comes from New Haven, CT, and some NYC joints where the crust is thin and the emphasis is more on the cheese than the sauce. You can get a pretty good imitation of it at Amici's on Lombard where they bake their pizzas in wood burning ovens. Both the dough and sauce are made approximately 2 days beforehand, which gives the flavors a chance to mellow and breathe. 

Guess what I'm having for dinner! 

Love at 82

Friday morning, in the lobby of SF's City Hall, I saw a dapper, older gentleman clutching a dozen red roses. He asked me if I'd hold the roses while he straightened his matching, red bow tie. When I asked him where he was heading, he told me he was waiting for his soon-to-be-bride, who was primping in the ladies room. He beamed with pride as he described his lady love. He said he'd dated several ladies over the decades, but never met the one until this past winter.

“Never give up on love,” he said to me. So sweet.

I had an appointment so I couldn't wait to meet his lady love. But I walked away from him feeling a little more hopeful for humanity.

Barbara Boxer Shook My Hand!

Wednesday night I had the privilege of meeting Senator Barbara Boxer. What a thrill! About 100 people crowded into a house in Palo Alto to hear one of the many campaign speeches she had given that day on her “Jobs for California Tour”. The place was crawling with Fox News, CBS, and numerous other cameramen/women and sycophants. I munched on gorgeous strawberries and filmed a testimonial which probably won't be used, but was fun to do.  Once we were all seated, she was introduced, and the crowd ripped into thunderous applause and jumped to their feet. Wow, is she petite! I almost couldn't see her until she was standing right in front of me, shaking my hand.

She outlined three job initiatives:

1. Clean Technology. She wants CA to be the hub of the clean-energy economy. 
2. Transportation.   She got stimulus money to fund several highway transportation projects, such as the construction on Doyle Drive in the Presidio near Golden Gate Bridge. And she was instrumental in persuading President Obama to set aside $2.25 billion of the Federal Stimulus Package for CA's High Speed Rail Project.
3. Her pledge to End tax breaks for companies that ship jobs overseas. 

She also talked about her efforts to block the Bush Administration's proposal to abolish the 40 hour work week and to rob workers of overtime pay; her fight to increase the minimum wage; and her continued support of the Economic Recovery Act and Unemployment Extensions.

Then she ripped into Carly Fiorina, her Republican opponent, who was recently endorsed by Sarah Palin.  She listed several reasons why Carly Fiorina shouldn't be a CA Senator:

1. Fiorina layed off 30,000 American workers and shipped thousands of jobs to China while her salary tripled as CEO of Hewlett Packard.  
2. Fiorina was fired in 2005 by the fed-up HP Board of Directors. They gave her a $21 million “go-away” package. HP's stock rose sharply the day after she left.
3. Fiorina wants to repeal Roe vs Wade 
4. Fiorina wants to repeal Health Reform
5. Fiorina opposes the Economic Recovery Act and any form of Unemployment Extensions.
6. Fiorina wants CA off-shore drilling NOW!

I'm obviously a Boxer fan, and, as a supporter, am considered a “Boxer for Boxer”. I'm happy to lead cheers for our hard working CA Senator. Go Barbara! CA needs you!

Boy that was a fun night!

I blame Alfred Hitchcock

I don't consider myself a particularly flighty person. But the other day, while walking along Baker Beach in SF, I found myself nervously raising my hands in a feign attempt to ward off sea gulls. Damn you, Hitchcock! Why couldn't I shake the image of Tippi Hedren running to a phone booth in Bodega Bay to escape those vicious birds? I'm glad Hitchcock wasn't able to end The Birds the way he originally wanted to: With The Golden Gate Bridge completely covered in birds. 

What else have you done to me, you maniacal master of suspense? I don't fear showers, you Psycho, but I won't stop at a lonely motel on the side of the road for the night. When I drive down Highway 1 from SF to Carmel, my mind frequently wanders to that scene in Suspicion where Cary Grant drives dangerously around seaside cliffs. When I'm in New York City or any large city, I frequently wonder what people are really up to as I gaze through my Rear Window. And while I'm not afraid of heights, the thought of watching Vertigo, or climbing any tower just makes me dizzy. Hitchcock, you get me in the gut every time.

Are you a victim of horror/suspense films too? No? Really? Just remember the words of our master: “...the next scream you hear may be your own!”

Better off Ted—Why did you leave me?

I laugh every time I see this! Don't know why ABC canceled this show. Click on the youtube link below...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh7Nz4bIwss

I knew you'd laugh too.

Ready, Aim, Fire!

When the Supreme Court ruled that a complete ban on handguns is unconstitutional, it got me thinking. Retailers are missing out. There are several money making ideas they need to address:

• Backpacks and book bags with gun holsters next to iphone pockets. Arts programs should be canceled to make room for artillery and combat practice. Any wild life “mistakenly” killed on school campuses could be used to subsidize school lunch programs.
• Yoga mat bags could be used to carry rifles until over-the-shoulder rifle holders hit the stores.
• 2-sided, clear carry-on plastic bags: one side for toiletries; the other for your gun. Shouldn't I be able to defend myself in the air as well as on the ground? I hate those passengers by the window who feel the need to climb over me on their way to the bathroom.
• Clutches with a side pocket for pepper spray and agent orange for those guys who don't understand the word “no”.
• Scented hand grenades for those lousy bus rides.
• Easy access gun holsters by side view mirrors for those long L.A. drives.

Have I forgotten anything?

Stupidest Men's Products

Stupid is as stupid does. Right, Forrest Gump?  Check out The Huffington Post's list of stupidest men's products.

Click here for list.

Sad thing is I could see my ex-husband with the Potty Putter Toilet Green. And if you ride the bus or subway, I know you can spot some Spray On Hair. But the most hilarious is the Chest Hair Toupee. Wow!

What's your favorite? Please share. Click on the comments section below.

The Unemployed Worker's Soliloquy

If you've ever been layed off or know someone who's been layed off, you know a helping hand from either friends, family, or unemployment is very important. I don't even know what to say to self-employed workers who don't qualify for UI or Cobra. I've heard heartbreaking stories from people while volunteering for Barbara Boxer and attending health care rallies/lectures the past few months.

Friday afternoon I was on my favorite mode of transportation: SF Muni, specifically the #5 bus. I was in the midst of a private conversation with a friend of mine, detailing the phone calls I made to some Republican aides in Washington, after the Senate defeated the Jobs Bill, when a man came up to me and shouted: “You liberals make me sick. Always depending on other people to solve your problems for you...” I won't repeat the entire tirade. You get the gist.

When I relayed my experience to my sister, Jane, she came up with the perfect response:

Yeah. I'm just the mother-fucker who pays taxes for your military, police, firefighters, libraries, public schools, social security, unemployment benefits, medicaid, medicare, infrastructure maintenance, and public transportation.  Are you lame today, or were you just riding public transportation to spy on the liberals?  I know that you fight all your own wars with your own equipment, take care of protecting yourself from crime and fires, that your buy all your own books, have written to the government to tell them you don't need your social security checks - ever, can take complete care of yourself if you lose your job, and when your insurance runs out will just pray to the God of your own understanding to help you - oh wait - that would be asking for help - scratch that, get out there every day to patch up the roads near your house, and drive your own car or walk everywhere you go. Have a nice day.

Amen

ILA...I love Acronyms

OMG, why type all day and get CTS? Which acronyms are your favorites? Do you make up your own? I mean, WTF!

Some I've made up...

BMUS..............beam me up scotty

BSAP................boys should avoid priests

DDR.................downward dog rocks [talking about yoga!]

JDIH................johnny depp is hot

MMMS............muni makes me sick

OMW...............on my way

TBBS................the bay bridge sucks

TBIC.................the boss is coming

WWDDD.........what would don draper do [thanks, Tim Goodman]

Do you use these?
AFAIK..............as far as I know
B4.....................before
BMG.................be my guest
BRB..................be right back
BTW.................by the way
FWIW..............for what it's worth
FYI...................for your information
F2F..................face to face
IIRC.................if i recall correctly
IMHO..............in my honest opinion
IMNSHO.........in my not so humble opinion
IMO.................in my opinion
IOW.................in other words
L8R..................later
LMAO..............laugh my ass off
LOL..................laugh out loud
MOL.................more or less
NBD.................no big deal
OMG................oh my God
OT....................off topic
POV.................point of view
ROTFL............rolling on the floor laughing
SNS..................social networking services
SYS..................see you soon
TBH.................to be honest
WTF................what the fuck
WYSIWYG.....what you see is what you get

Or should we avoid words altogether? As a child, did you ever read William Steig's book, C D B?
C D B. D B S A BZ B.....Translation: See the bee. The bee is a busy bee.

What are some of your own acronyms? Surprise me.

C U L8R!

Oh Where, Oh Where has our Hillary Gone?

Hillary Clinton, our glorious Secretary of State, is rarely headlined in the news. I'm not talking about NPR or BBC news coverage, but our mainstream media. Madeline Albright and Condoleezza Rice were headlined in their day. I didn't have to google them to figure out where they were or what issue they were discussing. Is Obama scared of her? Last week the Huffington Post published the rare Hillary headline that the Feds were going to sue Arizona. Why isn't she headlined more often? Lord, she's only a Senior White House Official.

I've adapted the main verse of a children's song to illustrate my feelings. The original song was about a dog who runs away to explore the world before deciding that home is best. The link below my verse has Disney's version of the song.

Oh Where, Oh Where has our Hillary Gone?

Oh Where, Oh Where can she be?

With her pant suits all packed,

And her schedule intact,

Oh Where, Oh Where can she be?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl2wkM4Y7gw&feature=related

Help! Justin Bieber followed me home last night.

First I thought he was a bean pole with a hat made of hair. Then I got scared. Why are there so many teenage boys on HAIGHT ST, of all places, sporting Justin's ridiculous hair style? Is it a shag on steroids? A perfectly coifed Beatle's do with side-swept bangs blown straight? I'll do you a favor and not include a picture as it might inspire Medusa-like stares. Was Ryan Seacrest far behind? And what is he hiding under those bangs anyway? Miley Cyrus' phone #?  

I know the record industry needs to manufacture new teen idols every other year. But can you make one who doesn't make the older Justin Timberlake look like a pro wrestler? And what's with the rap quotes. “It's like, you know, whateva!” Please, little Bieber, you're from Canada. OK, a sweet teenager who's mentored by Usher isn't the end of the world. Maybe I'm too picky. But I don't get it. I feel like Tom Cruise is planting his alien forces. Or Christopher Walken's behind me whispering, “I've got the fever for Bieber.” All we need now is Donald Trump to get a hold of him. AHHH!

Do you see it too? Am I the only one?

Take a ride on the SF Muni Insane Asylum!

Every time I get on a bus I fear for my sanity. SF Muni owes me therapy.

There's the physical anxiety. What kind of maniacal games are Muni drivers playing? Do they think it's wise to floor the accelerator like they're on Highway 5 to LA? Barely 2 seconds after the doors close, drivers “gun it” causing everyone to fall all over themselves dropping coffee cups, back-packs, and iphones. 15 seconds later, they jam on the breaks causing the same dominoes effect. Hey, driver! Did you forget about the city stop signs, red lights, and pedestrians? Of course not, it's all in the game. My left foot is still sore from yesterday's # 38 bus ride. And Mr. Old Man, my stomach is not a receptacle for your umbrella or cane. And people, Muni is not your sandbox. Stop littering, spitting, farting, snorting, coughing, and re-arranging your crotch.

Then there's the mental anxiety. Why does every drug addict and relative of Pig Pen wait to find me at the bus stop? A little deodorant and mouth wash wouldn't hurt. And why is it normal to wait 2o minutes for a bus just to see 2 of them pull up together? Is staggering bus departures illegal? Do bus driver's have to change shifts on every bus ride I take? Would be fine if they jumped on and off the bus. But, no. Last week on the #5, the 2 drivers decided to have a 5 minute rendezvous. Then the new driver realized he had forgotten something and ran into Starbuck's to get coffee. 10 minutes later we were on our way. And hey, Ms Recovering Alcoholic, I'm not interested in your new found lease on life. Or Mr. Opera Singer, the bus crowd is not interested in being your test audience.

I could go on and on, but would rather hear from you. Use the comment section to relay your stories about SF Muni or Bart. Which line bugs you the most? And I'm not interested in hearing how great Muni is. I know there are some great drivers. But the crazy ones make all the difference.

Carrie Bradshaw, SHUT UP!!

SATC, as a franchise, is dead. Instead of a being a funny & possibly touching reunion of aging girlfriends, SATC 2 turned into an episode of The Real Housewives of Abu Dhabi where the moral is: All women adore fashion, fries, Suzanne Summers, & karaoke. Wow, that’s deep. These women have become caricatures of their already outlandish selves. Listening to them complain from the comfort of their all-expense paid luxury vacation was nauseating. Carrie, who was upset with her marriage dynamic, inadvertently nailed it when she referred to herself as a bitch wife who nags Big. If my husband bought me a new flat screen TV so we could watch black & white movies together & spend more time in bed, I’d be happy. Carrie, would you have preferred a man who didn’t want to touch you or stopped coming home at all? Oh, that’s right. You might have, since that would have given you a topic for your column. Seriously, it wasn't a vacuum.

I actually liked the men better in this movie than the women, except for Miranda who tried to make the best of everything and wasn’t the typical, obnoxious American tourist. Big, who is, God forbid, tired from working all day & wants to relax, tries to accommodate his bratty wife, who only softens at the sight of expensive shoes or jewelry. Smith, who’s very famous, makes sure Samantha is credited with establishing his career. Steve is Miranda’s cheerleader, supporting her career move & being a good father. And Harry is there as always. Only Aidan, the proud papa of 3 boys, is made to look a little foolish, which made me angry. Aidan was always too good for Carrie, who repeatedly mistreated him. I don’t believe he’d kiss Carrie like that even far away from friends and family. Spurned lovers can carry secret torches for old flames, but rarely expose themselves to that pain again. Aidan has too much self-respect for that scene.

So why did I see this movie? SATC was never about feminism, unless you think feminism is about self-indulgence & consumerism. Before the HBO version of SATC, we had Ally McBeal, which often had funnier & more compelling characters (especially season 4 with Robert Downey, JR), and BBC’s Absolutely Fabulous with Jennifer Saunders & Joanna Lumley which parodied rich, alcoholic “bitches” in a much funnier and realistic way. I cherish my own group of girlfriends (and you know who you are) who have supported me through relationships, career changes, family issues, & fun, and are much more complex women than these 4. The SATC women were barely 2 dimensional. Miranda was the “neurotic, career-driven woman”; Samantha, the “sex kitten”; Charlotte, the “good girl” (though she got more bone than any Episcopalian I ever met); and Carrie, the what? I was never sure. A whiner in search for the perfect cocktail & lay?  She was never satisfied with anything or anyone—just like the men she supposedly hated. Nonetheless, SATC was fun for several seasons. I enjoyed the frank talk about sex, the NY scenes, and the fashion. That’s what I was looking for in this movie and was deeply disappointed.
 

At the risk of sounding like Amy Poehler & Seth Meyer’s SNL Really? skit...Stanford & Anthony marry. Really? They tried dating at one point during the series but never really made it as a couple. Guess it gave Liza Minnelli a chance to attend another gay wedding and get enough screen time to keep her SAG card. Islamic Fundamentalism vs. these 4 ladies. Really?  Sounds more dangerous than funny. Why couldn’t they have stayed in NY to show us current, hip clubs or restaurants? Carrie’s big hats, turbans, and 80’s inspired clothes. Really? So ugly. Couldn’t Carrie have become friends with Christian Siriano, our favorite Project Runway winner, so we could have seen his showroom & new line? That would have been a hoot. Samantha makes fun of Ricard Spirt’s name (Dick!) and makes pipe smoking phallic. Really? That would have been funnier in season 1, but is tired & unoriginal now. They should have asked Chelsea Handler, Tina Fey, or Sarah Silverman for some current one-liners. And Charlotte. Really?  If you’re going to wear Valentino while baking cupcakes with your children, you deserve 5-year-old red, candied handprints on your ass. Seriously, people, didn’t you see that one coming?

There were a few genuinely funny & touching moments. Like when Charlotte & Miranda commiserated over how hard it is to be a mother. Or when Aidan talked about his boys. Or the caricature of Carrie Bradshaw in The New Yorker. But that brings me back to my original point: SATC, as a franchise, is dead. Michael Patrick King, who isn’t that inventive of a director, can’t find anything new to say about these ladies. So I suggest he stops so I can remember the nice, tidy way HBO ended the show on the series finale.

!!R.I.P.SINGER ACTRESS LENA HORNE DIES AT 92 'STORMY WEATHER'!!

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Random Randomness...

Been away for a while, recovering from pneumonia, which, by the way, I don't recommend. Here are some quotes I collected while recuperating. Enjoy this mixture of humor & somber reality.

Conan O'Brien: “In 3 months I've gone from network television to Twitter to performing live in theater, & now I'm headed to basic cable. My plan is working perfectly.”

Tim Goodman, SF Chronicle TV Critic: “Remember, all [Conan] failed at was being Jay Leno—and there's only one unfunny, delusional, power-mad, attention seeker capable of pulling that off.”

Chris Rock & George Lopez chat:[re. Conan's move to TBS at 11 am, making George move his show to midnight]

  CR: “You're gonna move for the white man? You don't have to clean a park or nothin', right?”  
  GL: “I get to go to work an hour later. That's a Latino's dream come true!”

Jesse Ventura: “Why hasn't the Catholic Church been prosecuted under the RICO laws of organized crime?” 

Bill Maher: “Don't 'worry'. Goldman Sachs has the best attorneys: Alito, Breyer, Ginsburg, Kennedy, Roberts, Scalia, Sotomayor, Stevens, & Thomas—our Supreme Court.”..........And, “I'd like to see Sarah Palin & Michelle Bachman on Jeopardy.”

Joan Rivers: [re. Kate Gosselin on DWTS] “Every time she lifts her leg, I think another kid is going to fly out.”

David Pogue, New York Times Tech Writer & Novelist: “Law of Hygienic Immersion: Fully immersing the body in bathwater immediately causes the phone to ring.”..........And, “Closet corollary to the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics: Random junk explodes to fill the available closet space.”

Ron Paul: “Why are we building an embassy in London for 1 billion $ when the U.S. is bankrupt?”

Jon Stewart's retort to Fox News: “Fuck you!”

Congratulations, Kathryn Bigelow!

Roger Ebert, who was at the Oscars, said it best when he tweeted: “I've never seen a less exciting Oscars.” Wow, I realized around 7:00 that I'd stopped taking notes & was much more interested in my cheese enchilada. Safe dresses, boring bits, & the disappearance of our co-hosts, Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin, in the middle of the show, made me yearn for the good old days when Bjork was dressed as a bird & James Franco made his cameo appearance as the stoner from Pineapple Express. Remember that from last year? Hilarious!

But it didn't start that way. The best actor/actress nominees welcomed us (unnecessary, but OK) before Neil Patrick Harris burst upon the stage for the opening number. Huh, was he really the host? Well, who cares; he was entertaining. Then our co-hosts came on to deliver a comedy routine that was actually funny, playful, & smart. I was worried that 2 hosts would be confusing but was proved wrong. Christoph Waltz won Best Supporting Actor, and we were spared the treacherous singing of the Original Song nominees. So I thought we were on our way, but I was wrong. Soooo wrong! We were lectured on the mechanics of film making every 15 minutes. Ben Stiller came out in the blue Avatar costume and stunk up the place—and wouldn't get off the stage. They did a John Hughes film retrospective that just made me feel old. And then they gave us a horror film retrospective which just made the show longer & didn't relate to the type of movies popular in 2009. Then Hollywood reached new levels of self-indulgence by bringing out actors to kiss-ass the Best Actor & Actress nominees before their awards were given. New heights of bullshit! But then....something great happened. Barbra Streisand announced it...Kathryn Bigelow won Best Director which more than made up for the travesty of Sandra Bullock winning Best Actress.  Don't misunderstand me. I like Sandy, but she gave a decent performance whereas both Gabourey & Meryl gave nuanced performances.  Kathryn more than deserved the win over her ex, James Cameron, and seemed genuinely moved to have won. Loved seeing her on the stage holding 2 Oscars.

Many people have been surprised that I'm not that impressed by Avatar—especially since I've been studying web design, flash, graphics, etc. I think it's a pretty film that makes good use of CGI & other updated technology, but after that it falls flat. A great movie has to tell a well-paced, good story with well-defined characters. Great effects are not enough. James Cameron's dialogue was trite & story telling was weak & uneven. At many points I was truly bored. The Hurt Locker was beautifully directed & better acted. Even if you don't think it's an accurate portrayal of Iraq, you won't be disappointed by its human story.

OK, on to the fun stuff: the clothes....

Overall, the dresses were safe (many metallic shimmering looks which I liked), but nothing really wowed me....

Zoe Zaldana looked like she had a caterpillar crawling up her ass. Was that an Avatar special fx? 
Queen Latifah had the perfect dress for her curvy figure. Liked the jeweled shoulder.
Jennifer Lopez, I wanted to like your dress because it had some great elements, but, in the end, I decided it was too much competition for your booty.
Mariah Carey, are you pregnant? Can you shove your boobs in your dress, please? Not looking good, girl.
I actually liked Charlize Theron's dress, although many said it looked like she was wearing her bra outside her dress.
Helen Mirren was age appropriate yet sexy & pretty.
Tina Fey, jungle love is not a good look for you. Though you & Robert Downey Jr. had the best presentation. Did you write it yourself?
Cameron Diaz wore a pretty dress, but it was a little matronly for her.
Sandra Bullock's dress was pretty but looked a little washed out when she was on stage.
Liked Demi Moore's dress. Where'd she come from? Was she in a movie?
Meryl Streep looked pretty good in her white dress. Never know with her!
And yours truly, Ms. Paula Page, was wearing blk, Lululemon yoga pants with an American Apparel, colbalt blue t-shirt. Accessories by Walgreen's (a black hair clip). Glasses by Cole Hahn. A fetching look for my apartment. My plants were dazzled.

Some misc comments...

Tim Goodman, SF Chronicle's TV critic, tweeted the following comment: “[re. a Hurt Locker victory] James Cameron is going to take it out on some hookers, no doubt.”

In Memoriam section forgot Farrah Fawcett (yes, she was in some motion pictures). They also forgot to mention the death of NBC and Jay Leno's creativity (had to get that in there). So sad to see Natasha Richardson.

Alec Baldwin smacks Kathryn Bigelow's ass on stage. Cut the macho crap, Alec!

Both Modern Family & Jimmy Kimmel/Ben Affleck/Jennifer Garner commercials are funnier than the entire broadcast.

Roger Ebert: “Why did Avatar win for Cinematography when it used a green screen & CGI?”

Sheri Shepard & Kathy Ireland should be banned from all pre-show events. God awful!

George Clooney wins the best non-red-carpet moment when he spends time meeting people behind the chain link fence. Gorgeous, charming, talented, sexy. The perfect man.

Yikes, gotta go to bed. Have an 8 am class tomorrow.  Hope you enjoyed my recap!!

Why I love The Oscars

True, it's really just an excuse for a collective Hollywood blow-job. But isn't it a fun show to rip apart? Don't you love to see them mess up? Or rate the clothing/jewelry? Or see if Johnny Depp will come out of hiding?  Will Helen Mirren look sexier than women half her age—again? Will Sean Penn lecture us about something? Even though what he's professing is probably right, it's correct to bash this talented, pugilistic bastard. Will someone be brave enough to put a sock in James Cameron's mouth? Don't need to know your peeing schedule, Jimmy. Please, pretty please, can the camera remain on George Clooney all night? Will Drew Barrymore wear a bra? All serious questions for these serious economic times.

I will admit to cringing every time a self-indulgent singer takes the stage to perform one of the original songs. Will it be Celine Dion? (Does she still refer to herself in the third person?) Karaoke bars are much more fun. And I, too, retreat to the kitchen when the President of the Academy comes out to give his boring speech. But, hey, invite your friends over, order some pizzas, and get ready for a drinking game. Every time one of the following is said, take a swig of your favorite beverage:

• We're running late
• We shouldn't be here tonight because, you know, Chile, Haiti...but on with the show!
• A winner says he/she wasn't expecting this but then whips out a prepared speech & turns his/her head for the perfect camera angle
• Julia Roberts (you know she'll be there) flashes that toothy smile accompanied by that loud laugh
• Any winner thanks God, their kindergarten acting coach who just knew they could make something of themselves, etc
• There's a Tiger Woods or Charlie Sheen reference

Here are my predictions for the big categories:

• Best Picture: The Hurt Locker (yes, people, it's better than Avatar)
• Best Actor: Jeff Bridges (haven't seen his movie but I love him & am rooting for him)
• Best Actress: Sandra Bullock (just seems like it's her year—remember, it's about the Hollywood club)
• Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz (fantastic performance)
• Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique (really good)
• Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow (Avatar should win numerous technical awards, but The Hurt Locker is a far superior film)

Waiting for Sunday, March 7th....Bring it, Hollywood!!

On Tiger Wood's “Apology”

Uhh...try again!

Protest Song

In a silly mood. Here are the lyrics to Protest Song, written over 30 years ago by Neil Innes. Tongue in cheek. Hilarious. And, yes, it's on youtube.

He always starts by saying, "Uhhh...uhhh...this next song is a protest song. Ladies and gentleman, I've suffered for my music, now it's your turn." (sung kind of like Bob Dylan)

All the prophets of doom
Can always find room
In a world full of worry and fear
Tip cigarettes and chemistry sets
And rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
So I'm goin' back to my little old shack
And drink me a bottle of wine
That was mis en bouteille before my birthday
And have me a fuckin' good time.

Rain on a tin roof sounds like a drum
We're marching for freedom today...Yeay
Turn on your headlights and sound your horn
If people get in the way

Let me turn you on to the chromium swan
On the nose of a long limousine
Even hired for the day it is something to say
But what the hhehhelll does it mean
I may be accused of being confused
But I'm average weight for my height
My philosophy like color TV
Is all there in black and white

RAI!..rain on a tin roof sounds like a drum

We're marching for freedom today...Yeay

Turn on your headlights and sound your horn

If people get in the way

Where I want to be right now

On a warm, Greek beach, reading Greek myth, eating phyllo with melted goat cheese, marvelling at the brilliant, blue color of the sea sparkling in the bright sunlight. So weary of the USA right now with its broken political system, non healthcare, & bad economy. Just mentally tired today...Love this photo from Google Images

Hello, I am setting up my blog. Stay tuned for commentary, poems, stories, etc.