Sunday, March 18, 2012

Long Island, NY

Long Island, why don't I like you?  

Is it the bad food? 

The horrible stench at the mall 2 minutes from my apt complex? Perhaps I've found Jimmy Hoffa.  

The high cancer rate due to the nuclear reactor?  

Or the rude drivers who cut you off or yell at you for no good reason? 

The trucks that pour toxins into the air? Hooray for CA & its strict EPA regulations. 

The gorgeous strip malls? The Hamptons & other parts of the the coast might be special, but inland is hideous.  I drive to & from CT at night so I don't have to look at the Bronx. I'm spoiled. I miss the drive down the beautiful, spacious CA coast.

Long Island radio stations are obsessed with Pink Floyd & Billy Joel. And Donny Osmond has a night radio spot. Kinchy!

Grocery stores, except Whole Foods, give you way too many plastic bags. Really? 5 bags for 8 items? I thought NY was a little more progressive. My mistake. Ever heard of biodegradable paper bags?

And people really do talk like Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph on that Good Morning Bronx SNL skit. 

Why do people argue over directions here? There isn't only one way to get somewhere. I really can get to Target the way I want to go. 

And speaking of driving and directions...Long Island towns/districts are allowed to name streets whatever they want. This really screws up GPS & Google Maps. Imagine if Geary Blvd was called Geary in downtown SF, Sam's Rd around Van Ness, Gilmore St around Japantown, and then back to Geary near Ocean Beach. I spent the 1st few weeks driving around in circles.

If J Crew ever goes out of business, about 75% of the men at my job would be naked. Why do white, straight men love beige chinos?

I knew I wouldn't like living in the suburbs, but I guess I thought Long Island would be a little more interesting. I've met some nice people. And Manhattan, of course, is exciting in its own way. But I have to say, unless you have a special job opportunity or family obligations, stay in CA, which is more progressive, especially for single women & workers. Just Fuhget about id!


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