2011 Oscars

I feel like I was stuck on JFK's runway for the past 10 hours. I'm drained, my hair's a mess, and I just want to crawl into the fetal position. What a dreadful show! I think the audience agreed, given that fact that Billy Crystal, host emeritus, enjoyed a thunderous standing ovation, when he walked onto the stage to pay tribute to Bob Hope. Finally, someone who knew how to relate to an audience.

You can't blame the energetic Anne Hathaway. She did everything she could possibly do, including singing and changing into numerous dresses. But she had no chemistry with her co-host, James Franco, who was his usual aloof self. James, if you were bored, how do you think we felt? Everyone on twitter thought he was stoned, which might be the case, considering he forgot which movie won best picture 5 minutes after it was announced. Ricky Gervais, who was ridiculed for his searing Golden Globes hosting performance, must be laughing his ass off right now.

The opening montage was predictable: Take the host(s) and insert them into clips from the nominated films. Then the hosts came out on stage, and we were off...to...a...very..........slow..........show without humor, wit, or whimsy. Here are some miscellaneous thoughts:

• Halle Berry should not be allowed to stand next to any female. Just not fair. She was absolutely gorgeous in her Marchesa gown.
• I hope I look half as good as Helen Mirren, when I'm her age. Loved her new, shorter haircut.
• If Jennifer Hudson is on the stage, Gwyneth Paltrow should not be singing—although Gwyneth looked terrific in her Calvin Klein gown earlier in the evening. 
• Kirk Douglas, age 94, had more energy and was funnier than most of the presenters.
• ABC, if you want to attract “younger” viewers, stop boring us with retrospectives.
• Robert Downey Jr. was funny and handsome. Yum!
• Very happy Toy Story 3 won Best Animated Film.
• Anne Hathaway was beautiful in her red Valentino gown on the red carpet.
• The Modern Family Oscar's commercial was hilarious!
• I had forgotten both Blake Edwards and Tony Curtis died last year. So sad.
• Glad Aaron Sorkin won Best Adapted Screenplay for The Social Network.
• The King's Speech won Best Picture. It was a good film, but I would have been just as happy if The Social Network had won.

OK, is awards season over? I'm going to bed now. Good night.